i still struggle with trying to accept my body and my past but especially the things people say to me. it is usually the casual remarks people make (as if it does not matter) are the ones i hold on to tightly.
not too long ago, my boss actually told my friend that my spectacles look like they are worn by secondary school kids. hmm, first of all, i was mad of course. simply because it is a pair of spectacles – i use it to SEE. i just couldn’t understand why and how he could make such a senseless statement.
secondly, he said it to my friend but not me. do you want your staff to look like a complete dork and serve your customers while looking like a kid? wouldn’t you want to stop him or her? i would rather have him tell me straight to my face than to another person.
while that thought lingered in my mind, i felt that if nobody ever brought up that fact to me i would have never realised that it looked dorky. i wore this pair for a few years and only recently an insensitive person would make such a comment about it.
then i thought about it from his perspective, i mean he may have said it casually. but it was on his mind that night from the store in town up till the point he visited the store at tiong bahru, it showed that he couldn’t forget about it. (i am probably over thinking)
my point is, even if a person makes a casual remark about something so small and unimportant about another person’s behaviour, physical appearance, style or work – it stays with the him/her forever, just like a stain.
some may say that i am too sensitive. but to be quite honest with (some of) you, if i were to point out something about you that you never realised, you find yourself thinking about it when you look into the mirror. no matter how many times you try to comfort yourself, it stays on as a stubborn stain.
it takes confidence to work your style. but building up this confidence gets tougher when someone rubs their blunt opinion onto you. slowly, i accepted the fact that when you are comfortable with yourself, you will become confident. it is as good as learning to love yourself.
before you make a comment about somebody’s dressing, style or body; please just hold that thought and think “will it encourage or help someone?” if not, then don’t even entertain that thought even if it is just a joke.
and to my boss; i am going to wear my spectacles whenever i see you because i am a blind bat without them. i will wait for the day you tell me you hate them and i will say: “i’m sorry sir, why don’t you increase my pay to doll up?”