079 the past and present tense of ‘them’

there are certain things where you avoid doing and things that have become a habit borne unto and become a part of you today.

there’s only one type of whole grain cereal that i would eat, banana nut crunch, and i remember we would snack on that with pizza, watching super bad in his room. today i eat it as my breakfast and go, yum.

‘go kick some ass’, he would say whenever i had a major exam coming up. i hated the words ‘good luck’, because you know luck comes in both good and bad, i don’t like to gamble. and so he just knew what to say. today, i wish my friends ‘good luck’ by saying ‘go kick some ass’.

after school he (and he) used to send me to chinese garden mrt, and for hours we would sit on the platform bench because it is so peaceful and the wind is just magnificent when you face the garden. today, i won’t even take the damn train home.

whenever we go to mcdonalds, he would get the mayonnaise and the chilli sauce, then mix them together. dip it, and go yum. i used tell him, ‘yuck who the hell does it’. today, when i go to everything with fries, i make my friends go ‘ew’ when i mix the two sauces together.

there were playlists, he made and they were always apt. one whole playlist had sixty songs in it, called ‘N’. but at the same time, i saw another playlist named ‘Brittany’, now let’s not go there shall we. today, i make playlists but it never goes beyond half of the number of songs he puts in a playlist each time. (a part of me still wishes i had the list of songs)

he never ever played manchester orchestra for me, even though he would get me to listen to all his songs, but never once manchester orchestra because i knew it was for her.  today, manchester orchestra and brittany goes together so i never ever want to see that combination again.

he loved bullet for my valentine, he made me listen to ‘forever and always’. that was probably the first and only song i ever like by them. today, it is still my favourite song by them yet i avoid it at all cost to even listen to it because it makes me break down into pieces.

today, i don’t take the train station’s overhead bridge at night anymore, because it was at that place at night where we had our last good-by.

the past within me

i am sure there are so many other things that has made an impact on me that i don’t even realise that it has. never once would i regret or have the urge to want to remove the habits from me. nothing wrong with me carrying a part of the past tense today.


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