033 guests, rooms, farewells

i don’t get what is with people and leaving. people come in, people go out. they enter, they leave. they bring happy moments, they snatch them back. people give you hell, they say they didn’t mean it. they try to be real, but they are fake. or after taking their leave, they come back for a visit, but not too long after, they bid you farewell and wish you all the best. if you don’t take the initiative you may have lost them completely, or they may just be waiting, or are they really? what if they have forgotten all about you? would they?

especially if person played a big part in your life, and he leaves. why did he even come in, in the first place, it was redundant if he has to leave. the pain that lingers, the sadness, maybe even loneliness and longing for him to come back to do his part again. but, it seems to all be planned, the time of arrival, the actions, the departure. you wonder, what if you said something else, or changed your reaction, would he have stayed on? would he still be there, sitting, chatting with you.

the person never really meant that much to me from the beginning, she stood there, with other people. i stood at the other corner of the room, with people i was comfortable with. and one day, we both intersected and entered one another’s bubble. we cry, we laugh, we talk, we made promises and pacts. i love her. thank God she’s still around. i wish i could lock the door so she wouldn’t leave, because i ask myself, what if we never ever intersect, would i be such a happy and grateful person today?

they don’t necessarily need to be your lovers, just a great person that is willing to have sat through, on your couch to listen to your pains, your joys. until they had enough, they politely say thank you, and take their leave. you pack the mess they may have left behind, your emotions, then tidy up and patiently wait for the next kind person to enter your room and settle down to have that nice chat and conversation with you. it repeats. but silently, you know your heart is crying “don’t leave me, you’ve known so much”

should i protect my heart from opening up so easily? giving myself so easily, in hope that they may remain but they never really last longer than a few months. but wait, before i get too selfish, what if i am guilty of leaving someone’s life too?

to man, and questionable friendships

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